Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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