No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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