I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
