i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
