This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
