i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
