Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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