ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
