My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
