you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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