he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
