i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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