what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
