If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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