the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
