I don't remember. Are we still dating?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
