Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
