We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
