No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
