I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
