You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
