im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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