I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
