Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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