S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
