Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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