I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
