She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize