Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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