At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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