She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I sprained my soul last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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