On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
