so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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