he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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