haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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