so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
