Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it because I queefed?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
