Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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