I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
