I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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