After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
