hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
