I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
