...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
