I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
