How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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