watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
