meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
