Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
