they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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