I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
