What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Is Oprah even human
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
