Your dad touched me again.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
